Talk:Raaz: The Mystery Continues/GA1

GA Review

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Plot

I am very confused by this plot. The prose here is not very good at all.

The story starts with an Englishman going to a temple at Kalindi at night. There he sees the priest of the temple in a horrific state. The priest has slit his body with a scythe and wrote an Om on his body. The man, horrified by what he is seeing, flees from there. The story then shifts to a young model Nandita (Kangana Ranaut) who is in love with Yash, (Adhyayan Suman) a director and host of the reality show "Andhvishwas". Yash's show deals with various superstitions of ghosts and tantric voodoos. Yash gifts Nandita an apartment where they start living and in the meantime Nandita gets pregnant.

1. It should be "written", not "wrote". 2. The first three sentences could really be shortened, and combined. Ex: "The begins with an Englishman going to a temple at Kalindi at night. But when he sees a priest that has slit his body with a scythe and written an Om on his body, he flees from the temple." 2. You should not say "gifts". 3. The last sentence is a run-on. "And in the meantime" is not what you should use at all.

Prithvi saves her and admits her to hospital

Should be "takes her"

Yash comes to the hospital and came to know about Nandita's pregnancy and also her miscarriage due to excessive bleeding.

Should be rewritten: "Yash comes to the hospital to find out about Nandita's miscarriage."

Nandita complains about Prithvi to Yash. Yash gets Prithvi arrested but later released.

Should be: "When Nandita complains about Prithvi to Yash, Yash has the police arrest Prithvi, but he is later released."

Meanwhile at Kalindi, Himachal Pradesh, the same Englishman David Cooper, who is the Kalindi chemical plant owner, commits suicide by hanging himself and he wrote in the wall in Hindi "Tum ashudh ho, sadh chuke ho"(You are impure, you are rotten.) with his blood.

Are the 2 names referring to the same Englishman?

Nandita gets possessed and she attacks a Spiritual Guru who was attending the show.

Should be "is possessed". Also, possessed by whom?

Prithvi comes for rescue but was prevented by guards.

Should be: "Prithvi tries to rescue her, but is prevented by the guards"

Nandita gets taken away from the guruji and audiences. The guru comes to TV and says she is possessed.

What are the guruji? Should be: "Nandita is taken away, and the guru declares on TV that she is possessed."

Yash coming to know about this made her apologise to all and declare that she has mental problems.

Should be: "Yash forces her to apologize and say she has a mental illness.

There's a ton more, but I've stopped. This article needs a ton of work, just for the first 4 paragraphs. Almost a complete rewriting. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 09:23, 5 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Final Words

A week has gone by without response, and I am going to fail this article. However, the main problem with this article is the prose, which is, sorry to say, rather poor. It would be a very good idea to get a peer review before you try GAN again. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 07:40, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Maybe YOU could edit the article. --Rsrikanth05 (talk) 07:02, 26 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]