Talk:Halimah Yacob/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Pangalau (talk · contribs) 16:03, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Firefangledfeathers (talk · contribs) 16:08, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for working on this article, Pangalau. First part of the review will be up later today. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 16:08, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

GA review items

Overall
1. I did some trimming and copyediting in series of edits. Please review. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
2. Please check all acronyms to make sure their expanded on first use in both the lead and body. I fixed up PAP, but others, like GRC, need work. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed issue Pangalau (talk) 06:32, 5 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. It's odd to have a section called "Political career" and then multiple separate sections for important parts of her political career. I'd suggest changing the first one to "Early political career" or making all the following sections into subsections of "Political career". Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Section renamed to "Early political career." Pangalau (talk) 03:23, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Lead and infobox
1. The PAP is obviously a dominant force in Sinaporean politics, but the use of "governing" seems to be a statement about the present that is likely to become outdated, eventually. Is there a way to capture the fact that it had long been in power without making a claim about the present? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Sentence have been rephrased. Pangalau (talk) 06:33, 5 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Trade unionist
1. Which source supports "was appointed director of its legal services department in 1992"? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
References added. Pangalau (talk) 06:33, 5 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Political career
1. Non-Singaporian readers (at least me!) are likely to be unfamiliar with the role of "assentor". Can it be explained briefly? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
2. "Her formal entry into politics": since "assentor" seems like a pretty formal political role, maybe there's a better way to say this? "Her first political candidacy"? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
3. "condemning and distancing herself": this use of "distancing" can suggest an assumption of closeness that may not be warranted here. Would just "condemning" be sufficient?
4. Can some context to the mention of ISIL be included? Sources seem to suggest there was an issue at the time of Singaporeans joining the group. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
5. "she embodied Singapore's principles": in the source, this is a quote from Halimah herself. This should be presented more neutrally. It maybe should be dropped completely, as I assume participation in delegations was a relatively routine part of her role. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Explanation to "assentor" added in notes, in addition to ISIL context. Pangalau (talk) 06:33, 5 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure the ISIS context is enough. The likely question here is "Why is the article about a Singaporean politician mentioning an extremist group active in the Middle East". Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I attempted to add background contact to the ISIS mention. Pangalau (talk) 03:39, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. "elected presidency, which is only open to Malay candidates", if I'm understanding correctly, this should be the past tense "was". Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Changed tense to "was." Pangalau (talk) 03:23, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. Please either merge the last paragraph into the next section or add the date of her resignations mentioned at the end of the section. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Two paragraphs merged and moved under the 2017 presidential election section. Pangalau (talk) 03:23, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Speculation and announcement
1. We currently mention her resignations in two places. It might be better to merge them both into this section to keep the chronological order. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Resignation paragraphs have been merged as stated above. Pangalau (talk) 03:24, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. "laughter from the PAP MPs": sources say the laughter came from "the House". Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Changed word to "the House." Pangalau (talk) 03:24, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Campaign
1. Please use S$ for the first mention of the currency and $ afterward, per MOS:$. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Changed the first mention of $ to S$. Pangalau (talk) 03:25, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Reactions
1. The first paragraph, about the lawsuit, seems like a significant digression. Can this be summarized, especially with the result? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Paragraph has been summarised. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. The last paragraph, about Halimah's residence, seems oddly placed in this section. Since it's about her presidency, can it be placed in the next section? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Paragraph has moved to the Presidency (2017–2023) section. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. "accepted the government's decision": in the source, this is presented as her accepting a recommendation. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Sentence has been rephrased and word changed to recommendation instead of decision. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Presidency (2017–2023)
1. "her election as Singapore's first female president is a historic event": not the most neutral way to present this. Can we just state both historical facts? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Sentence has been rephrased for a neutral tone. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. " to expand in the areas of data protection ...": in this sentence's list, it's unclear which items are bundled together and which are separate list items. Please use more commas. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
That topic has been further expanded to include only key details which would hopefully be enough. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. Please change "would be" to the clearer past tense in at least a couple places. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Only one usage of "would be" as the other two have been changed. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. I'd suggest switching Kuwait and Saudi Arabia to keep things in chronological order. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Changed to chronological order. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. Which source supports her visit to Qatar being her last? Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Removed that unsourced claim. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1. The bit about the Malaysian tree ceremony is pretty closely paraphrased from the source. Please reword or trim. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Rephrased and increased fluency. Pangalau (talk) 05:18, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Non-GA-criteria suggestions (optional)

Items in this section are based on guidelines that are not part of the GA criteria. You are free to work on them or not, and progress won't matter for GA status.

Halimah's DUT honor should be mentioned in the body and infobox, but not the lead sentence, per MOS:POSTNOM. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Some pretty straightforward, uncontroversial facts are supported by inline citations in the lead. It might be better to cite that information in the body and drop the lead citations, per MOS:LEADCITE. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I'd suggest dropping the couple exact dates of term start/end from the lead. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Please review links per MOS:Overlinking. For example, the link to Speaker (politics) could probably be dropped from the lead, since the more Singapore-specific link is present just prior. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I'm speculating here, but it's likely that Halimah's advocacy for women and women's rights is more expansive than her 2019 speech and her criticism of Okletsgo. Please consider expanding that section and rewording the associated lead summary line. I'm seeing some sources mention her advocacy for women prior to her presidency as well. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Please check for duplicate references. The Saad one is duplicated. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 18:07, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Postnominals have been removed from introduction paragraph. Term start/end dates hav been dropped from the introduction paragraph. Reduced linking in the article. Expanded on Halimah's women advocacy and fixed duplicated references. Pangalau (talk) 06:37, 5 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Check for MOS:JOBTITLE capitalization issues. The p should be lowercase in "the eighth President of Singapore". Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Check for MOS:LQ punctuation issues. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
It might be helpful to note that Tan Cheng Bock, the "former presidential candidate" had been trying to participate in that specific presidential election. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Notes

Thank you for the quick assessment, @Firefangledfeathers:! I am finally free to focus on this GA nomination. Several points have been addressed, leaving only non-GA criteria suggestions, but I would like to have some feedback prior to editing again. Pangalau (talk) 11:13, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I'll have more feedback for you soon. Please respond to my comments to indicate which have been addressed. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 14:38, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

It would help if you could be more specific in where you put your replies. You can respond to each numbered list item separately, instead of collecting your responses on the bottom. It'll help both me and anyone who wants to evaluate this review in the future. Don't worry about existing comments, but please align your comments moving forward. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:49, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Apologies for the inconvenience. I have reorganised the GA review responses to a more readable state. Pangalau (talk) 03:40, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]