Talk:Pentemont Abbey/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 12:47, 20 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

I think this could be be two paragraphs, instead of one large one, a two sentence one, and a six word one.
Avoid using citations in the lead, presumably they are in the main bodies of prose below?

History - Beauvais (1217-1672)

For this purpose → For what purpose? Perhaps remove.
orchard just to the southwest → orchard southwest
Philip died → You've spelt Philip differently to the previous sentence?
was brought to completion → was completed
his successor as bishop, Milo of Nanteuil, → his successor, Bishop Milo of Nanteuil,
the necessary funds, → funds (it's obvious that funding is necessary)
allowing for its completion in 1218. → and it was completed in 1218
on the 8th of June, 1230, → on 8 June 1230
inviolable → What does this mean? Do you mean inviable?
They followed her to Pentemont however → However, they followed her to the Pentemont
At the time the → At the time, the

History - Paris (1672-1790)

The winning proposal however was from Pierre Contant d'Ivry the completion of which would only be achieved after his death. → The winning proposal, however, was from Pierre Contant d'Ivry, but the completion of which would only be achieved after his death.
Link Thomas Jefferson
Who is Abigail Adams?
Conditions were spartan for the students, → Use an alternative to 'spartan'

State Property (1790-2015) - Military

Comma after French Revolution
In 1835 the → comma after 'the'
In 1835 the building was expanded to Rue de Bellechasse which required the demolition of some parts of the original structure. Under the Second Empire the abbey served as the barracks of the Cent-gardes Squadron, an elite cavalry unit that provided personal protection for Napoleon III and the Tuileries Palace. → This needs citing.
In the twentieth century → comma after 'century'
In 1937 a bunker → comma after 1937
It sounds like normal pushbikes where used, can you link to the type of bicycle you mean?

State Property (1790-2015) - Protestant Church

What is millet?
After the Concordat of 1801 provided formal recognition of the Reformed Church in France → comma after France
Since the Revocation of the Edict of Nantes in 1685 → Comm after 1685
Is this also meant to be 1865? The rest of the dates in this sub-section are in the 1800s?

List of Abbesses of Pentemont

Don't put the citation in the section heading. Underneath the two lists, just put "Source:"

Outcome

On hold for 7 days. — ₳aron 17:20, 20 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your review and comments. I've edited the article accordingly. Let me know what you think. Djkeddie (talk) 17:17, 21 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Just tweaked the lead. Passing. — ₳aron 17:38, 21 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.