Talk:Zaian War

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Zaian War/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Hchc2009 (talk · contribs) 05:51, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

1. Well-written:

(a) the prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct;

• "through the Middle Atlas mountain" - "mountains"

done

• "Central Powers" - worth wikilinking

done

• "significant forces of tribesmen still opposed French rule." - "still" sounded odd, as the previous sentences suggested the tribesmen had been doing rather well during the war.

repalced with "remained opposed to" which I think sounds better

• "was led by a Resident General" - is the capitalisation of Resident General right? (in the lead it was used as part of his title, here its referring to a post, which I think is usually in lower case - e.g. "Captain Smith", "he was promoted to captain")

corrected

• "However many tribes remained opposed to French rule." - I think (but could be wrong) that "However..." means something different when used at the start of a sentence. I'd suggest "Many tribes, however, remained..."

done

• ""powerful Berber trinity"" - who is the quote from?

Unfortunately I do not know - the notes page for this quote is missing from the Google Books preview and this book is prohibitively expensive for me to acquire in hard copy

• " (the tribal unit of measurement) " - is there any estimate of how many people were in/made up a tent?

unfortunately none of the sources quantifies this, though I will keep looking

• " being described..." - by who?

attributed to René de Segonzac who has an article at fr wiki but not here, red linked for now

• " totalling 14,000 men equipped with reconnaissance aircraft and wireless radios" - would it be more conventional to say that they were equipped with wireless radios and supported by reconnaissance aircraft?

yes that is more sensible, fixed

• "a generous set of terms for submitting tribesmen"- "submitting tribesmen" could be ambiguous... "tribesmen who submitted to French rule"?

done

• "The columns suffered repeated, strong attacks by Zaian tribesmen that day which the French repelled by late afternoon at the cost of five men killed and 19 wounded." Could probably do with an extra comma somewhere to help the flow.

done

• ""extraordinary stubbornness and tenacity"" - who's the quote from?

Not certain, again the page is not available in Google Books

• "A single Groupe was designed" - "Each Groupe..."?

done

• "immediately all over Morocco ... that a general revolt" - the MOS would have this as "Morocco...that" - i.e. no spaces, I think.

MOS says "Put a space on each side of an ellipsis" then lists a few exceptions which don't apply here, I believe

• "Left with just 20 battalions of legionnaires (mainly German and Austrian), military criminals of the Infanterie Légère d'Afrique, territorial reservists, Senegalese Tirailleurs and goumiers he switched from the offensive to a long term strategy of "active defence"" - you probably need a comma after goumiers to clarify the meaning of "switched"

done

• " This was part of his plant" > "plan"

Doh! done

• " In some cases" - "In some areas of policy..."?

I think I prefer cases here, areas of policy doesn't seem right for some reason

• "Having successfully repulsed the attacks on Khénifra " _ I'd advise a comma after Khenifra

done

• " the Oum er Rbia, Serrou river and the Atlas " - "the Serrou river"

done

• "Laverdure's troops" - "remaining troops"?

done

• "Zaian victory at El Herri combined with slow French progress on the Western Front and the siding of the Muslim Ottoman Empire with the Central Powers led to an increase in recruits for the tribes and greater co-operation between Hammou, Amahouch and Said" - "The Zaian victory"? I'd advice a comma or two here as well - it's a long sentence.

done

• " in the form of coin, horses and rifles" - would "money" vice "coin" be better here? (unless you specifically mean coins)

done

• "Dérigoin faced only a small Zaian force which he drove off but Garnier-Duplessis was almost overrun by a large mounted group but managed to repulse them, inflicting "serious losses" in return for French casualties of one man killed and eight wounded." - two "but"s in the same sentence

rephrased with use of a dash

• " Garnier-Duplessis was promoted to Major-General" - check capitalisation

fixed

• "resigning as Resident General " - ditto

done

• Poeymirau received promotion to Brigadier-General" - ditto

done

• "the "Achilles' heel" - MOS is against linking inside a quote I think

fixed

• "encouraging resistance there became a significant target" - would "objective" sound better than "target"?

fixed

• "the planners aims" - "planners'"

fixed

• "There were few cases of mass civil disorder" - "a few cases"?

I think it is OK as it is "were+few+cases+of

• "the tran-Atlas road" - "trans-Atlas"

fixed

(b) it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.

• All good. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:08, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

2. Factually accurate and verifiable:

(a) it provides references to all sources of information in the section(s) dedicated to the attribution of these sources according to the guide to layout;

• Fage and Strachan lack publication locations.

I was always taught not to use publication locations where they are obvious from the publisher. This avoids awkward constructions such as "Oxford: Oxford University Press". I suppose different style guides might have different rules on this - Dumelow (talk) 07:16, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

• A couple of the journals lack volume/issue numbers.

Fixed (note that Francia doesn't seem to use volume numbers, see these cites - Dumelow (talk) 07:16, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

(b) it provides in-line citations from reliable sources for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines;

(c) it contains no original research.

• Fine.Hchc2009 (talk) 16:08, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

Broad in its coverage:

(a) it addresses the main aspects of the topic;

• Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:08, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

(b) it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).

• Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:08, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without bias.

• Neutral. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:08, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.

• Stable. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:08, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

Illustrated, if possible, by images:

(a) images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content;

• File:LYAUTEY PHOTO.jpg is listed as "life of the author plus 70 years", but has no author, so this isn't the right label.

Switched to image with a better licence - Dumelow (talk) 07:24, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

• SenegalSoldats1914.jpg is listed as "life of the author plus 70 years.", but has no author date of death.

I have switched to a locally uploaded version under the published abroad before 1923 licence - Dumelow (talk) 07:34, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

• Soldats marocains tenant une main de Fatma 1915.jpg is listed as "life of the author plus 70 years", but has no author, only the agency responsible for it.

I have switched this image for a better licensed one - Dumelow (talk) 08:19, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

• Abdelhafid.jpg is labelled as having been published pre-1923, but lacks a publication date.

I have added a further tag to the image in case it was published after 1923 (either way is PD in this instance) - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

• 030Arab.jpg doesn't seem to have a US PD tag.

I have added relevant tags (note that it was either published before 1923 and so is PD or else was published afterwards but was PD in it's home country by 1996 - Dumelow (talk) 07:41, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

Note that I did not upload any of these files, they were already present on Commons. I will attempt to take a look at their licensing issues - Dumelow (talk) 07:18, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

(b) images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.

• All good. Hchc2009 (talk) 18:49, 22 April 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for agreeing to review this I will work through and try to address your concerns. Cheers - Dumelow (talk) 07:16, 28 April 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for continuing the review. Unfortunately I am busy this weekend but hop8efully will be able to take a look at your suggestions on Tuesday - Dumelow (talk) 22:07, 3 May 2012 (UTC)

Review done. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:08, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

Looks good - nice work, am passing at GA. Hchc2009 (talk) 11:28, 13 May 2012 (UTC)