... that the Australian Light Weight Air Warning Radar was designed to break down into waterproof containers that fit in the Douglas DC-2, were taken ashore from a trawler in canoes, and in one case manpacked up 200 foot cliffs? Source: Minnett and Briton both detail the waterproof aspect and DC-2, Minnett relates it being brought ashore by canoe and quotes the cliffs
ALT1: that the Australian Light Weight Air Warning Radar was designed to break down into waterproof containers that could be taken ashore from a trawler in canoes, and manpacked up 200 foot cliffs?Source: Minnett and Briton both detail the waterproof aspect, Minnett relates it being brought ashore by canoe and quotes the cliffs Shortened version suggested. Mary Mark Ockerbloom (talk) 20:42, 8 November 2024 (UTC)
ALT1 has so much detail, that it tells the whole story and gives me no reason to click the link to read more. I recommend something much shorter. Flibirigit (talk) 02:02, 12 November 2024 (UTC)
Reviewing... Will do a full review for this within two days. Flibirigit (talk) 04:45, 12 November 2024 (UTC)
QPQ: - ? Overall: Article was created on October 3, and nominated the same day. Length and sourcing are adequate. I am stil reviewing the article for neutrality, and have no yet decided. I found no plagiarism concerns. I note that this Earwig result highlights proper nouns and a properly attributed quote. The original hook was far too long. ALT1 is not hooky as per my above comment. The nominated image is clear at a low resolution, and used in the aticle. Depending on a reworded hook, it may or may not improve the hook. I also note that File:Mark 1A Light Weight Air Warning Radar. 6091121.jpg has already appeared in the picture slot of DYK on Wikipedia:Recent_additions/2018/November#9_November_2018. The QPQ requirement is insufficient since it only commented on eligibility, and was not a full review of all DYK criteria as per WP:DYKRR. Please provide a complete review for QPQ. Flibirigit (talk) 15:25, 12 November 2024 (UTC)
Fort clarity, I do not expect any neutrality issues but I have not completely read the article. I shold have that completed by tomorrow. My primary concerns are the hook and QPQ. Flibirigit (talk) 19:21, 12 November 2024 (UTC)
I did some minor copyediting, and no neutrality concerns noted. Please see above comments for the hooks and QPQ. Thanks for this nomination! Flibirigit (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2024 (UTC)
@Maury Markowitz: Are the above concerns resolved, as is this ready for re-review? Z1720 (talk) 15:35, 17 November 2024 (UTC)
No, it's not ready. No hooks have been proposed, and no valid QPQ has been supplied. I will continue my review when those are ready. Flibirigit (talk) 17:13, 17 November 2024 (UTC)
ALT2 ... that the Australian Light Weight Air Warning Radar system was developed as a portable system to be quickly delivered to forward airfields? A possible hook; if you like it, Maury Markowitz (talk) or someone else would need to check and cite the sources (probably Minnett, but I can't access it to do this). Mary Mark Ockerbloom (talk) 14:48, 18 November 2024 (UTC)
The new hook looks promising. We still need a valid QPQ. Flibirigit (talk) 16:02, 18 November 2024 (UTC)
I have done another QPQ for Template:Did you know nominations/Oh My Mother!. Strongly prefer ALT1, and I'm at a loss why someone might not read an article because the hook is too interesting. I am dealing with my parent's wills for the next little while, so if immediate attention is needed, just close the nom. Maury Markowitz (talk) 20:13, 19 November 2024 (UTC)
ALT1 has been struck because it is too long. Flibirigit (talk) 01:17, 21 November 2024 (UTC)
ALT2 is the best hook of those proposed. But where exactly is it cited? It seems to be a summary of several sentences throughout the article. Each of which would need a citation at the end as per WP:DYKCRIT. I remain open to other hooks being proposed. Flibirigit (talk) 16:27, 21 November 2024 (UTC)
Can you be more specific about the issue with ALT1? It meets all the requirements and is directly cited. You note it "gives me no reason to click the link to read more", but I would say it is precisely the opposite. Having written a similar hook for the Type 6, which got a surprisingly large number of views especially it was near the bottom of the DYK list, I'd like something more to work with. Maury Markowitz (talk) 23:34, 25 November 2024 (UTC)
ALT1 is too long since it tells the whole story, and gives the reader no incentive to look at the article. It tells the reader why the radar was designed, how it was packed and moved, and where it was used. That's essentially the whole story, and does not hook the read into wanting to know more. Ideal hooks are short and snappy. A better hook would omit some of the facts and leave the reader wanting to know the rest, such as how or why. Please see WP:DYKHOOKSTYLE. Best wishes. Flibirigit (talk) 02:12, 26 November 2024 (UTC)