Wikipedia:Peer review/Geoff Horsfield/archive1

Geoff Horsfield

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because User:Struway2 and I have significantly expanded this article in recent weeks. Comments from other editors would be welcomed in order to improve the article further. Once the review has closed we intend to nominate the article for Good Article status.

Thanks, Jameboy (talk) 14:36, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Peanut4 (talk · contribs)

Don't mix up place of birth with date of birth at the start per WP:DATE.
- done – I added his birthplace to the Early career section but never went back to remove it from the dob brackets :-)
"A second spell at Halifax saw him help the club to achieve promotion. He also achieved promotions with Fulham and Birmingham City." I would suggest re-wording the second use of "achieve promotion".
- that bit of the lead needs a bit of expansion, will reword
Wikilink first use of Premier League (in lead)?
- done
Perhaps wikilink coal miners and brick-laying.
- done coal miners, first mention of bricklaying already is linked
"On leaving school, after an unsuccessful trial with home-town club Barnsley F.C. Horsfield took a college course in bricklaying." i would suggest adding a comma after "Barnsley F.C." or reword the sentence. Because of the full stops and capital for Horsfield, it looks like a new sentence on first glance.
- added comma for now, might reword
"He then moved on to Witton Albion," Then is redundant.
- done
"The remainder of his 1998–99 season produced 15 goals from 26 starts and 2 substitute appearances" I would prefer two substitute appearances, though I realise WP:MOSNUM is a little vague on this.
- personally, I also would prefer "two", but it seems to fit under "Comparable quantities should be all spelled out or all figures: we may write either 5 cats and 32 dogs or five cats and thirty-two dogs, not five cats and 32 dogs.", starts and sub apps being comparable quantities as both being sorts of appearance. I suspect however I'm being desperately pedantic in so saying, and having made the point it wouldn't bother me overly if it were changed to "two". Or changed to 28 appearances to circumvent the problem :-) which is what I might do.

Everything else looks good and in my opinion, would pretty easily pass as a Good Article. Peanut4 (talk) 15:34, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the trouble to review, and for your kind words, cheers, Struway2 (talk) 16:00, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Just another thought - though it might be one for the future. I wondered if it would be a good idea to include a "style of play" section? There's already quite a bit in there to start one off, as would be balanced, since you have the Tigana quote. Peanut4 (talk) 17:20, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Rambling Man on tour (talk)

Is it just my terrible monitor in an Indian cybercafe, or is that infobox rather wide?

I think it is your terrible monitor I'm afraid! What resolution do you have? The infobox looks big in comparison to the small photo, but it doesn't eat up much of the page width, however if anyone else mentions it I will look at it again. Hope you're enjoying the tour. --Jameboy (talk) 15:30, 16 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

It is quite wide, at my 1024-width screen res, but there's no excess spacing in there; the only way to narrow it would be to abbreviate club names, which I'd be reluctant to do. Though the small photo does make it look wosre

Is it worth emphasising in the lead that he was a "professional" footballer?

Yeah, why not. Done. --Jameboy (talk) 15:31, 16 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Not terribly keen on "Post-football" as a section title - perhaps "After football"?
- done
Not all seasons link to "X in English football" - is there a reason for this?
- different editors, I imagine; will make them consistent

I've linked all the seasons I could find, linking to Premier League seasons if applicable and English football seasons for others. --Jameboy (talk) 16:34, 16 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"£1m" vs "£2.25 million" - consistency..
- per MoS, first use should be spelled out and then may abbreviate thereafter
Championship could be linked.
- done

Otherwise, very good. The Rambling Man on tour (talk) 07:52, 16 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

thanks for taking the trouble to review this, particularly in your current circumstances; hope you're not missing us too much :-) cheers, Struway2 (talk) 16:32, 16 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]