Wikipedia:Peer review/John Christie (murderer)/archive1

John Christie (murderer)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review in order to know what I can do to make it a featured article. I've tried to place equal weight on Christie's own crimes and life story and the controversy concerning his involvement in Evans's case. I'd like to know if there are any unclear parts in the article, whether I have explained the controversy well enough or if there is anything in general that needs improving.

Thanks for your comments! Wcp07 (talk) 09:50, 6 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Kuzwa: An interesting article that gives the gist of the subject. Initial observations seems to suggest the article is in need of a good copy edit and some work on the prose would be good too. Finetooth below was kind enough to give me the link to WP:PRV so maybe you can find an experienced copy editor there to help you. Other concerns include:

Images lack alt text, see WP:ALT for more information.

In September 1916, Christie enlisted as a signalman in World War I. In June 1918, he was hospitalized after a mustard gas attack, claiming to have been blinded. He spent a month in a military hospital in Calais. - Might be worth noting here that the gas attack occurred in France as not to confuse the reader on the location of the events.

That same day, the new tenant, Beresford Dubois Brown, discovered the bodies hidden in a wallpapered-over coal cellar in the kitchen. - Whose bodies? There is no mention in the murders section of him placing any bodies in the coal cellar. In-fact we don't get the suggestion that the bodies are of the last three women he murdered until the trial and execution section. Consider clarifying.

This article almost appears to have 2 biographies on it; that of Christie and Timothy Evans. Though Timothy Evans was certainly relevant and quite important in the life of Christie it would probably be best if the information on him is shortened. It actually almost seems that many of the details present in this article on Evans are not even present on his own page. That could just be me however...

References for the most part look fine. Extra citations would not hurt however.

Anyways was a good read. Has a few issues so I hope these suggestions help. --Kuzwa (talk) 18:17, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

-Thanks for those suggestions, Kuzwa. I'll look into them. Wcp07 (talk) 10:50, 12 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: I wrote these comments before reading the above brief review. It is possible that I have duplicated comments.

The main problem with this article is lack of inline citations. Whole paragraphs, indeed whole sections, have no citations at all, so there is no way of checking statements back to source. There are other questions about the structure and grammar of the text, and I have mentioned some of these from my reading of the early part of the article, but I believe that the matter of under-citation should be addressed before I can finish the review.

Content/structure of lead: The lead should summarise the whole article. In this case it is almost wholly concerned with the Evans case, which is is only one aspect of Christie's crimes, albeit an important one. The lead should be amended to reflect the balance of the article. Also, the Evans information in the lead is presented in a rather higgledt-piggledy fashion, without regard to chronology; for example, Jenkins's posthumous pardon of Evans came immediately after Brabin's report.
Early life
- "Christie was raised in Halifax, then in the West Riding of Yorkshire." Sounds as though Christie was raised in two places. Suggest "then" is unnecessary. Or say something like "Christie was raised in the Yorkshire town of Halifax."
- Second paragraph has no citations. Also, "mathematics and algebra" – algebra is part of mathematics, surely?
- "Manually dexterous, he was skilled at detailed work." Doesn't indicate the nature of the detailed work he was skilled at.
- "His difficulties with sex remained throughout his life, and most of the time he could only perform with prostitutes." Citation needed.
- "hospitalized" - why American spelling?
- Final sentence: citation needed
Early criminal career.
- First paragraph is clumsily worded. For example, "Christie was convicted for many petty criminal offences. These included:..." should be followed by the offences, not the sentences for the offences. Also, "working as a postman on 12 April 1921" is ambiguous. The sentence is far too long, and needs breaking up.
- Second paragraph has no citations
Murders: there are virtually no citations at all in this section. The remainder of the article appears equally thinly cited.

I am leaving the review here. Perhaps you would notify me when you feel you have adequately addressed the citation issue, or if you need further advice on this point. Brianboulton (talk) 10:47, 12 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

-Thanks for your comments. I agree the article needs more citations. I'll let you know when I've addressed this point so you can give further feedback on other aspects of the article. Cheers Wcp07 (talk) 11:12, 12 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]